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30 Day Challenge day 19 (8/20/19)-5 Fears

Updated: Sep 3, 2019

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5 of my fears

The world is a scary place. No, is! We have so many things to be afraid of! We may not be terrified of them all, but they are there and many of them gives us reason to at least be apprehensive of them. Some of us grew up and/or live in a world where some fears are more relevant then others, while some are just plain universal. But, the following fears are five of my biggest fears arranged (in true me fashion) in no particular order.

1. Being alone. I used to say that this fear was due to me being such a people person, and that may be part of it, though I'm not as extroverted as I used to be. Now, I think a lot of this fear comes form not wanting to be lonely or have to face life by myself. Sometimes you just need people to help you get through things, even if they do nothing but sit next to you and hold your hand. I think this is also steamed from a fear of dying alone. But no matter where this fear comes from, life is just better with people and I don't know what I'd do without those people.

2. Losing the people I love the most. Ever read the Harry Potter books? In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, the boggart Mrs. Weasley comes face to face with appears as the dead bodies of those she loves the most (a boggart is a creature that appears to you only as the thing you fear the most). While I always liked Mrs. Weasley, I fell in love with her in this moment because I got it. I understood her fear so well! I can't, not even for a second, imagine life without these people! In fact, it's such a painful imagining that I demand to go first! Yep! I demand to die before all of the people I love the most! And this is not a subject I'm willing to argue about, you're just going to have to accept that this is how it is!

3. Death. I know. It sounds crazy after the last answer. But I can't help it. There's something about the depth of the unknown when it comes to death. I just can't help it! When will it happen? How? Will it hurt? Will I be alone? Will it be just like falling asleep, going into darkness and then...nothing? Will my body die, leaving my soul with some consciousness in a deep black hole I'll have to claw my way out of? Will I just cease to exist? Will my soul just move on to another life? But then what about those in this life? Will I just forget them? Will I never see them again? See? So many unknowns and so many reasons to be a little frightened of it.

4. Being a bad mother and hurting my kids in any significant way. I know that being a parent means making our kids mad. It means sometimes telling them what they don't want to hear, tough love and all that. I know it sometimes means letting them get hurt to learn, smacking their hands, ect. but I fear that they'll grow up with flaws that I caused, flaws that are do to my lack of good mothering skills. I fear that I'll make a choice for them that is so wrong for them, or dangerous without me knowing it and because of that, they'll have to live with the consequences forever.

5. Lastly...snakes. Don't ask why. I don't know. I do, however, know that I'm terrifyed of them. I can't see pictures, video or the real thing without a reaction, sometimes a panic attack. Last time we went to our favorite zoo, I went into the reptile house to see the sea turtle...but there were snakes in there, too. Even an anaconda. I couldn't look at them. My family had to help block them from my sight, even, yet just knowing they were there was enough. I made it through and was super proud to have done so, but I ended up on a bench outside the "house" unable to breath and in tears while people looked at me funny. All I could do was shake and cry and try to breath. It took at least a half an hour to recover from the trauma. And those snakes were behind glass. It's really that bad...

Those are five of my biggest fears. What are yours? Do we share any? Do you have some totally different fears? Let us know in the comments!

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